Blue Wednesdays


 

Right, this one is a little confusing. So after some frustrating Orange Wednesday cinema experiences, I decided to email both Orange and Odeon. It was rather fun to watch them CC’ing each other into our correspondences, even if they were rather unhelpful.

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TO:              GS@odeon.co.uk
CC:               customer.services@orange.co.uk
FROM:        ngoneill@hotmail.co.uk
SUBJECT:   Blue Wednesdays

 

Good Morrow, Sir and/or Madam. I hope you are well. I’m not. Let me tell you why.

 

You see, I love to frequent my local cinema, especially when I can view films at such bargainous prices. Hence why I think Orange Wednesdays is one of the best ideas ever, beaten only by those shoes with the little flashy lights on.

 

Alas, I have no friends. And as such I am unable to reap the rewards of this fantastic deal. I recall those adverts in which it was suggested that you could even bring a witch along as a guest. But I don’t know any witches either! Every Wednesday, I message all the people on Facebook who haven’t yet blocked me asking them to be my date, and I get approx. zero replies. So for me, Orange Wednesdays are more like Blue Wednesdays.

 

All I want is to experience the delights for half price cinema with none of the drawbacks of ‘having to make friends’. Is there anything you can do for me in this instance. Perhaps, you could allow me to use an Orange Wednesday code for two different films, so I can have a double dosing of cinema. This is pretty much the same thing as normal, so please say ‘yes’. Alternatively, you could load my Odeon card with unlimited points, and I promise to only use it half the time.

 

I have also forwarded this message to Orange, in the hope that, collectively, we can come up with a solution. (Orange: I would also like to take this opportunity to thank you for being so courteous. Sometimes I text you about non-film related things, and you text back anyway)

 

Look forward to hearing from you (or anyone) soon

 

Nathan “Lonely” O’Neill

 

——————————

I received replies from both, which are reiterated in my email below.

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TO:              GS@odeon.co.uk,      customer.services@orange.co.uk
FROM:        ngoneill@hotmail.co.uk
SUBJECT:   Blue Wednesdays

 

Hello again, Odeon and Orange. Haha, both your names begin with ‘O’! Perhaps I should email Oreo too! (I won’t)

Thank you for your replies. To keep everyone in the loop, I shall reiterate them here:

 

Orange sent me a nice text saying: “Sorry to hear about your Orange Wed experience ['more like un-experience!' - Nathan]. However, if you have iTunes, you can watch a free movie on a Thursday in the comfort of your own home. Thanks for your email. Dave, Orange Email Team”

 

Odeon said: “Thank you for your email. Unfortunately the terms and conditions for the ORANGE WEDNESDAYS offer are not set by ODEON. We purely participate in the offer. However, we do have ODEON PREMIERE CLUB Card Tuesdays – 25% off your ticket with a valid Odeon Premiere Club Card for tickets purchased at the box office or website. Regard, Matthew, Odeon Guest Services.”

 

You were both very nice. But regrettably, I still feel like I am being hard done by. You see, I do not have iTunes, since the only Macs I like are the burgers. Also, I am unable to make Twenty-Five Percent Off Tuesdays (not as catchy as Orange Wednesdays), because I have therapy that day. Don’t ask why. I SAID, DON’T ASK WHY! Sorry.

 

Anyways, I feel that we are so close to finding a solution for me and I do hope we can come to a conclusion together. My address is [redacted]. I have included this for two reasons. If you know anyone who lives near me and wants to go to the cinema on Wednesday, then please let me know. Also, if you wish to send me a parcel of goodies to cheer me up, that would be fine.

 

Hope you are both well, Matthew and Dave, and thanks for your assistance thus far.

 

All the best

Nathan

 

——————————

Below, we see that Odeon’s Matthew has turned into Liz, and become infinitely more boring.

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TO:              ngoneill@hotmail.co.uk
CC:               customer.services@orange.co.uk
FROM:        GS@odeon.co.uk
SUBJECT:   Blue Wednesdays

 

Dear Nathan,

Thank you for your email. I’m sorry to hear about your recent experiences with ORANGE Wednesday, but I’m afraid that ODEON would be unable to provide an Orange Wednesday deal for 2 separate films due to the system set up.

 

As you stated that you were a member of the ODEON Premiere Club, we run great offers for certain films where you will earn 150 points for the British Film of the Month as well as other weekly offers. Through this method you would be able to earn points quicker in order to purchase a free ticket with your points.

 

We hope to see you again soon.

Liz

 

——————————

And finally we see that Dave, I mean John, actually has a sense of humour

——————————
TO:              ngoneill@hotmail.co.uk
CC:               GS@odeon.co.uk
FROM:        customer.services@orange.co.uk
SUBJECT:   Blue Wednesdays

 

Hello Nathan,

Firstly, let me apologise for your predicament. We really don’t like to exclude anybody at Orange, that’s why we launched Film To Go on Thursdays.

 

The good news is you don’t need a Mac (of the computer variety) you can install iTunes for free on a Windows PC. This means you can download the free movie, and sit down in the comfort of your own home with your favourite burger (either a mac or any other) and enjoy the movie without the worry of getting to the cinema on time or having to find a date.

 

I was unable to find contact details for your local witches coven I’m afraid, I think you have to have your own cauldron to join, but in the meantime please do take advantage of the Film To Go offer. This weeks feature is ‘Never Back Down’.

 

Thanks again for contacting us

John

Orange Online Services

 

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So that’s it for this time. No compensation. Not much laughter. But hopefully you have now all realised how lonely I truly am, and so if you would like to go to the cinema with me, please get in touch :’(

 


Want more from this author? Try The Everyman’s Guide To Elevators

Or for a related article, how about this letter to Hula Hoops

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