Failed Emails


 

Stupid Spammers, never replying to my stupid emails. It makes for a very dull read. Because of this, I am relegating such articles to the ‘failed’ section. Here are two such examples, which could have been quite funny, methinks.

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TO:                ngoneill@hotmail.co.uk
FROM:         victoria_012kim@yahoo.co.jp
SUBJECT:   GOD NEEDS YOU

 

CAN YOU HELP THE PEOPLE OF GOD?

 

I AM MRS,VICTORIA KIM, FROM NATHERLAND A WIDOW TO LATE FRANK KIM, I AM 55 YEARS OLD, I AM A NEW CHRISTAIN CONVERT, SUFFERING FROM LONG TIME CANCER OF THE BREAST,FLORA ALL INDICATION MY CONDITIONS IS REALLY DETERIORATING AND IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I WOUDIN, T LIVE MORE THAN THREE MONTHS, ACCORDING TO MY DOCTORS, AND IN ALL INDICATION REGARDS TO MEDICAL ANALYSIS, THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANCER STAGE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD STAGE THAT NO HOPE FOR ME TO BE A LIVING PERSON AGAIN,

 

AFTER MY RICH HUSBAND,S DEATH, I INHERITED ALL HIS BUSINESS AND WEALTH. SO I NOW DECIDED TO DIVIDE THE PART OF THIS WEALTH, TO CONTRIBUTE TO CHARITY. I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF $3 MILLION DOLLARS, TO THE LESS PRIVILEGED. PLEASE I WANT FOR THE TRANSFER OF THE MONEY IN YOUR NAME AND YOU WILL GET A PART OF THE WEALTH

 

GOD BLESSES YOU.

MRS VICTORIA KIM,
REMAIN BLESSED

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TO:                victoria_012kim@yahoo.co.jp
FROM:         ngoneill@hotmail.co.uk
SUBJECT:   GOD NEEDS WHO?

Hello Victoria,

 

Thank you for your email. It looks very important.

 

Unfortunately, I am not fluent in CAPS-LOCK. Therefore, if you could please re-send your email in lower case, that would be very much appreciated. I may then be able to assist you in whatever matter is that matter.

 

Yours unknowingly

Nathan

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TO:              ngoneill@hotmail.co.uk
FROM:         james_steven@aol.com
SUBJECT:   Proposal For You

Hello,

 

I am an investor looking to invest in entrepreneurial teams with big ideas and a need for seed capital to turn their ideas into great companies. I believe every business man is basically an entrepreneur, for we all strive to achieve optimal goals using limited resources.In seeking out worthwhile investment opportunities, We are always on the look out for ventures whose principals exhibit a high level of creativity combined with the right amount of experience in the chosen field.

 

James Steven

 

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TO:                james_steven@aol.com
FROM:         ngoneill@hotmail.co.uk
SUBJECT:   Proposal For You

Hi James! Or is it Steven? I am not sure which is your first and which is your last name.

 

Either way I would love your money.

 

Get in touch!

Noodle x

 

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Sigh. Will I ever again get a spammer to reply, like I did here? Oo, speak of the devil. I now have 1 unread message(s)! Hold on to your hats!


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