Everyone has to meet someone at some point in their lives (right?) and when you do, it can be a complicated thing. Many decisions have to be made in too few minutes. Greetings are simple no more! The hug, the kiss, the handshake, the full-on high-five, the not-so-full-on high-five… I could go on. Even these different greetings have their subdivisions, such as the high-five, the high-one (for amputees), and the high-pi (for maths enthuasiasts). I have had far too many terrible encounters with acquaintances and dear friends alike, so I think it’s about time we put a stop to this nonsense.


For example, I don’t think it is socially acceptable in any culture to be kissed on the ear by a friend of a friend, as unfortunately happened to me recently. Nor is it acceptable to try and curtsy… whilst wearing jeans. Or to spank someone on the ass that you honestly thought was your friend, but turned out to be a very angry middle-aged woman. Eek.


To be fair, the spanking paddle was probably excessive


If you are being introduced to someone, do you shake hands or kiss on the cheek? If you are going on a date, do you say hi or do you hug? It can be tricky so here are your guidelines to making greeting more agreeable:


1. Kissing on the cheek should only be done with people you have met at least once before. There should only be two kisses. One on each cheek. No one likes a double peck. Apart from, I don’t know… woodpeckers.


2. Hugging is for relatives. And five year olds. Or in the case of your young nephew, both.


3. Saying hello to strangers is friendly but should probably not be attempted at night time.


4. Saying “how do you do?” to strangers is also friendly, but should only be attempted if you are over 85.


5. Dates are the most complex. First date, one kiss on the cheek. Second date, two kisses on the cheek. Third date, three kisses on the cheek. However, I can’t really guarantee a fourth date if you carry on this way.


6. Shake hands with everyone else, unless you are from the continent, and then (according to American Cinema) anything goes.


"Bonjour. Comment ca va?"


So there you have it. It really ought to be this simple. So try your best to follow these and then, when TrendFlux goes global, these ideals will too.


Want more from this author? Try here

Or for a related article, how about The Everyman’s Guide To Being Socially Acceptable

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