Judgement Day Is (Not) Coming!


As you probably know, Mr. Harold Camping of Oakland California, made a bold statement earlier this year by confidently predicting the end of the world. Apparently, he counted back in the bible to suggest that a “Great Flood” came in 4990 B.C. From this, plus a horrific amalgamation of two bible passages, he decided the next great flood would arrive in 2011.


More lines than the bible


Now you might all be saying “This guy’s crazy, there’s no way he could know the world is going to end.” And to that I’d simply respond…well, you’re probably right. You see, Mr.Camping doesn’t have the greatest track record for predicting the end of the world, and was somewhat embarrassed on the 6th of September 1994 when hundreds of his followers gathered to be together when Jesus would supposedly come down in his blazing glory, save the Christian lot and smite the rest, ‘to get biblical on them’, if you will.


He says biblical texts indicate that a giant earthquake on Saturday will mark the start of the world’s destruction, and that by 21 October all non-believers will be dead. Mr Camping says he knows “without any shadow of a doubt” that “judgement day” is arriving. Surely, you would attempt to cover your own back and say something like “there’s a small chance God may be busy, and the Rapture will have to be postponed”.


And so, if you are reading this article after 21st May, 2011, there’s either internet in heaven, or simply that day was just as Rapture-less as any other. Either way, I think it would be safe to say everything went better than expected.


Some people are cleverly reaping the rewards of this failed apocalypse. ‘Eternal Earth-Bound Pets’ is a company that was set up by an atheist to look after the pets of people who think they’re going to be raptured. More than 250 clients have payed him £83, and he admits they will be disappointed twice, “Once because they weren’t raptured and again because I don’t do refunds!”


However, I wouldn’t begin your celebrations too early. Iceland has closed its main international airport and cancelled domestic flights as a powerful volcanic eruption sent a plume of ash, smoke and steam 12 miles into the air. And Camping maintains all non-believers will be dead by October. This could get awkward…


At this point, however, if you are disappointed with the lack of apocalypses, feel free to pick up a DVD such as ‘The Day After Tomorrow’, ‘The Book of Eli’, and ’28 Days Later’, a clearly unrealistic zombie film from Danny Boyle. Because hey, it’s not like there’s gonna be a zombie apocalypse anytime soon



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